In the spirit of “Phun” here are a few physics jokes and puns.
Chemistry jokes are funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Physics is the science where it takes long, complicated equations to explain why round balls roll.
A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks “Do you need help with your luggage?”
The photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m travelling light.”
A bar walks into a man… oops, wrong frame of reference.
A neutrino walks through a bar.
Old physicists don’t die; their wavefunctions go to zero as time goes to infinity.
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
Q. What did one electron say to the other electron?
A. Don’t get excited. You’ll only get into a state!
Q: Why should you go drinking with neutrons?
A: Wherever they go, there’s no charge.
Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In prism.
Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at sporting events?
A: The Wave
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
Q: What is blue and smells like red paint?
A: Red paint moving very fast towards you.
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a turkey?
Q: What does E = mc2 mean?
A: Energy = milk chocolate squared
If sound cannot travel in a vacuum, why are vacuums so noisy?
Schrodinger and Heisenberg were out driving together when they were pulled over by a policeman.
The cop walks up to the window and asks, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know exactly where I was.”
The cop is unamused and orders the physicists to open their trunk. He looks in and sees a dead cat.
“Do you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?”
Schrodinger replies, “Well, I do now!”
Definition of a tachyon: A gluon that hasn’t dried completely.
Alternate definition: A subatomic particle devoid of taste.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says,
“Oh, no! I think I lost an electron!”
The other responds, “Are you sure?!?”
“Yes, I’m positive!”
Studying radioactivity is as easy as alpha, beta and gamma.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal were playing Hide and Seek. Einstein slowly counted to 100 while Pascal ran off and hid. Newton drew a square on the floor with a side of one meter and then sat down in the center of the square.
Einstein finished counting, opened his eyes and immediately spotted Newton. “That was easy, I found you Newton!”
Newton replied “No you didn’t, I’m Pascal.”
*Hint* 1 pascal = 1 newton per square meter
Q: Two cats slide off a roof. Which one hit the ground first?
A” The one with smaller “mu”.
*Hint* “mu” or μ is the coefficient of friction
Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.
Q: Have you heard of the physicist who got chilled to absolute zero.
A: He’s 0K now.
Q: What’s the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
A: The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.
Q: What did the subatomic duck say?
A physics grad student meets with his theoretical physics instructor and shows him a graph from his latest experiment.
The instructor points at a peak on the graph and says “You would expect this peak right here. Here is the reason…” and proceeds to spend the next half hour droning out a logical explanation. The grad student interrupts the professor and apologizes. “Sorry, but the graph is upside down.”
“Hmmm, well, you’d expect to see a dip in that position. Here is the reason…”
A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with physics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: “Do you love Physics more than me?”
“Of course not, dear – I love you much more!” Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: “Well, then prove it!”
Pondering a bit, she responds: “Ok… Let epsilon be greater than zero…”
A block of dry ice was sitting on a table and begins to turn into carbon dioxide gas. After a while, the block is gone and a cloud of CO2 is floating around. A nearby oxygen cloud asks, “Hey, I just saw you go through a phase change…how was it?”
The CO2 cloud replies, “It was sublime!”
A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, “You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed.” The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. “What? I’m not going to go through this. You know I’ll never reach the bed!” And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist’s eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. “Don’t you realize that you’ll never reach her?” The physicist smiles and replied, “Of course! But I’ll get close enough for all practical purposes!”
Wife walks in on husband, a string theorist, in bed with another woman. He shouts, “I can explain everything!”
Black holes and beautiful women have two things in common.
1. They have very attractive bodies.
2. They are very elusive to the eyes of physicists.
There was an old lady called Wright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.