Mole day is celebrated every year on October 23 from 6:02 am to 6:02 pm. This holiday honors chemistry’s own measurement unit corresponding to Avogadro’s Number: 6.02 x 1023. You can spend the day learning more about the mole, play a few rounds of “Whack a Mole” or have some guacamole. What better way to spend Mole Day than sharing a few mole puns with our friend Chemistry Mole.
Science is funny and scientists have a great sense of humor! Do you know any science jokes or riddles or are you looking for one? Share your science joke or read jokes submitted by other readers.
An Ether Joke
- Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny? A: An ether bunny
Which would dissolve faster?
- If a bear in Yellowstone and a bear in Alaska fall into the water, which would dissolve first? The Alaska bear because it is polar.
- — Bearly Funny
Chemist Last Words
- There are lots of excellent endings to this one. Last words of a chemist: … and now for the taste test.
- — Anne
Another water science joke
- The failing chemistry student reads the following question on their final: If H2O is the formula for water, what is H2O4? He answers: “Washing, Cleaning and Drinking”
- — Wet Blanket
Chemistry Exam Question
- Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? A: Fear of utility bills.
What is 2+2?
- Several scholars were asked “What is 2+2?” The engineer whips out his calculator and answers “3.99” The physicist pulls out some technical references, models the problem on the computer and proudly announces “The answer is between 3.98 and 4.02” The statistician replied “I need more data points” The philosopher replies “What is the meaning of 2?” The psychologist replies “How does 2+2 make you feel?” The medical student replies “4” The others look at him and ask “How do you know?” He replies “I memorized it”
- — Chem Star
Formula for Water
- Timmy’s teacher asks the class “What is the chemical formula for water?” Timmy pipes up and replies “HIJKLMNO!!!” Timmy’s teacher asks “Where did you get that from?” Timmy replies “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”
- — Chem Star
- What’s your favorite object? Mines salt because um sodium hot
- — Zj
Failing medical student
- Asked in pass/fail viva exam in pharmacology “What’s dopamine” he replied “Is that what does dopa mean or what?” He failed.
- — archie prentice
- Why aren’t there any good chemistry jokes? Because they Argon..
- — mika
Murphy’s Ten Laws for Experimentalists:
- (1) if something can go wrong, it will do so just before your grant is up for review; (2) if the reading on your detector is correct, then you have forgot to plug it in; (3) if several things can go wrong then they will do so all at the same time; (4) if nothing can go wrong with your experiment, something still will; (5) left unto itself, your experiment will go from bad to worse; on the other hand, if you pay attention to the experiment then it will take three times longer to complete than you thought it would; (6) Nature is both subtle and malicious (Murphy stole this one from Albert Einstein); (7) a straight line will never fit your data, and using a wiggly line will result in the rejection by referees of the publication of work; (8) if you make a great discovery today, you will find a major error in your methods tomorrow (experienced experimentalists call this effect “here today, gone tomorrow”); (9) in contrast to a radio, banging your apparatus when you are at peak frustration
- — yog
- Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?……To get to the same side. buh duh chuh.
- — Nothing better to do in economics class
Loosing an electron!
- Once an atom went to a bar, and said “OMG! I lost an electron”. The bar guy asks “are you sure?” and then the atom says “Yes I am positive”
- — Crystal-Mask
Why Higgs Bosons wear funny hats
- I’ve just learned that the Higgs Particle gives mass to other particales. Therefore I think “The Pope Particle” is a better moniker for it than “The God Particle”. OK back to my cage 🙂
- — Wayne Thresher
- The teacher says to his chemistry class- “why is a Neon atom so lonely?” pupil says “because it’s friends argon”
- — tash
- Q: Why do subatomic particles hate electrons?
A: because they are so negative.
- — w
Hydrogen ATOMS RESPECT IN THE GHETTO
- 2 hydrogen atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other ‘i think i’ve lost an electron’ the other says ‘are you sure?’ to which the 1st 1 replies ‘Yes.. i’m positive’
- — jimmy stockton
Handy Guide to Modern Science:
- If it’s green or it wiggles, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
- — Thrakles
Learn what’s important
- The most important thing to learn in Chemistry is to never lick the spoon.
- — Frank
You might be a chemist if…
- You might be a chemist if you wash your hands BEFORE going to the bathroom.
- — Rich L
Reasons to be a chemistry student
- – All the coffee you could want – Cool safety glasses – Exposure to all kinds of toxic and cencerous substances – Because it’s pHun! – Access to 100% ethanol – Learn to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies – Always have plans for Friday night: Work in lab – Desire to be blamed for all faults in the environment and causes of cancer – Become a master chef at poverty cuisine
- — Chemistry Student
For the ladies
- (Fe)male = male with iron added for greater strength, ductility and magnetism.
- — Alan
In the spirit of “Phun” here are a few physics jokes and puns.
Chemistry jokes are funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Physics is the science where it takes long, complicated equations to explain why round balls roll.
A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks “Do you need help with your luggage?”
The photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m travelling light.”
A bar walks into a man… oops, wrong frame of reference.
A neutrino walks through a bar.
Old physicists don’t die; their wavefunctions go to zero as time goes to infinity.
Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.
Q. What did one electron say to the other electron?
A. Don’t get excited. You’ll only get into a state!
Q: Why should you go drinking with neutrons?
A: Wherever they go, there’s no charge.
Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In prism.
Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at sporting events?
A: The Wave
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
Q: What is blue and smells like red paint?
A: Red paint moving very fast towards you.
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a turkey?
Q: What does E = mc2 mean?
A: Energy = milk chocolate squared
If sound cannot travel in a vacuum, why are vacuums so noisy?
Schrodinger and Heisenberg were out driving together when they were pulled over by a policeman.
The cop walks up to the window and asks, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know exactly where I was.”
The cop is unamused and orders the physicists to open their trunk. He looks in and sees a dead cat.
“Do you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?”
Schrodinger replies, “Well, I do now!”
Definition of a tachyon: A gluon that hasn’t dried completely.
Alternate definition: A subatomic particle devoid of taste.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says,
“Oh, no! I think I lost an electron!”
The other responds, “Are you sure?!?”
“Yes, I’m positive!”
Studying radioactivity is as easy as alpha, beta and gamma.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal were playing Hide and Seek. Einstein slowly counted to 100 while Pascal ran off and hid. Newton drew a square on the floor with a side of one meter and then sat down in the center of the square.
Einstein finished counting, opened his eyes and immediately spotted Newton. “That was easy, I found you Newton!”
Newton replied “No you didn’t, I’m Pascal.”
*Hint* 1 pascal = 1 newton per square meter
Q: Two cats slide off a roof. Which one hit the ground first?
A” The one with smaller “mu”.
*Hint* “mu” or μ is the coefficient of friction
Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.
Q: Have you heard of the physicist who got chilled to absolute zero.
A: He’s 0K now.
Q: What’s the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
A: The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.
Q: What did the subatomic duck say?
A physics grad student meets with his theoretical physics instructor and shows him a graph from his latest experiment.
The instructor points at a peak on the graph and says “You would expect this peak right here. Here is the reason…” and proceeds to spend the next half hour droning out a logical explanation. The grad student interrupts the professor and apologizes. “Sorry, but the graph is upside down.”
“Hmmm, well, you’d expect to see a dip in that position. Here is the reason…”
A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with physics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: “Do you love Physics more than me?”
“Of course not, dear – I love you much more!” Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: “Well, then prove it!”
Pondering a bit, she responds: “Ok… Let epsilon be greater than zero…”
A block of dry ice was sitting on a table and begins to turn into carbon dioxide gas. After a while, the block is gone and a cloud of CO2 is floating around. A nearby oxygen cloud asks, “Hey, I just saw you go through a phase change…how was it?”
The CO2 cloud replies, “It was sublime!”
A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, “You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed.” The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. “What? I’m not going to go through this. You know I’ll never reach the bed!” And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist’s eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. “Don’t you realize that you’ll never reach her?” The physicist smiles and replied, “Of course! But I’ll get close enough for all practical purposes!”
Wife walks in on husband, a string theorist, in bed with another woman. He shouts, “I can explain everything!”
Black holes and beautiful women have two things in common.
1. They have very attractive bodies.
2. They are very elusive to the eyes of physicists.
There was an old lady called Wright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
Mathematics is a rigorous discipline with defined terms and rules. Too bad the same is not true of mathematicians. Here are a few of my favorite math jokes and puns. Post your favorite in the comments section.
Start with the first you probably ever heard…
Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 8 9!
A math professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
Mathematics is made of 50% formulas, 50% proofs, and 50% imagination.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Mathematics is like love: a simple idea, but it can get complicated.
Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.
Math and alcohol don’t mix. Please don’t drink and derive.
The highest moments in the life of a mathematician are the first few moments after one has proved the result, but before they find the mistake.
Q: Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
A: Because X was always 10.
Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
A: Because it was over 90 degrees
Q: Why was the mathematician sad?
A: He had so many problems.
Alternate punchline: Houseboat, you forgot the C.
Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?
A: acute angle
Q: What do you call a dead parrot?
Q: What would you call a destroyed angle?
A: A Rectangle
Q: Why was the math student upset when his teacher called him ‘average’?
A: It was a mean thing to say.
Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
Q: How do mathematicians nag their children?
A: “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times!”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other … er, um …
Q: What is the simplest way to solve any equation?
A: Multiply both sides by zero.
Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary math, and those who don’t.
There are three kinds of people in the world; those who can count and those who can’t.
Three statisticians go out hunting together and spot a deer. The first statistician takes aim and the bullet passes over the animal. The second aims and the shot passes under the deer. The third shouts “We got him!”
I’m so bad at math, the solution to 2n + 2n is 4n to me.
Never argue with a 90º angle, it’s always right.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?
A: Nothing, you can’t cross a vector with a scalar.
Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An Algebra
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
“Aha,” says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.”
“Hmm,” says the physicist, “You mean that some Scottish sheep are black.”
“No,” says the mathematician, “All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!”
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!” and then goes back to bed.
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed “We can assume the length is infinite…” and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said “I declare myself to be on the outside.”
A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: “Do you love math more than me?”
“Of course not, dear – I love you much more!”
Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: “Well, then prove it!”
Pondering a bit, she responds: “Ok… Let epsilon be greater than zero…”
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is π?”
The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7.”
The physicist said: “It is 3.14159.”
The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to π”.
In Alaska, where it gets very cold, π is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo π.
Math and Lightbulbs
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None, it is left to the student as an exercise.
A2: None. A mathematician can’t change a lightbulb, but can prove a solution exists.
A3: The answer is intuitively obvious.
A4: If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.
A5: Four: One to do the work, three to co-author the paper.
Engineering is a line of work where mistakes can be costly on many levels. You would think engineers are a serious bunch of people, but there are an awful lot of engineer jokes out there. Here is a list of some of my favorite engineer jokes. Feel free to share yours in the comments if you have a good one.
Definition of an engineer: Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand.
Engineering is all about laziness in the name of better life.
Arguing with an engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a few hours, you realize that he enjoys it.
Q: Why do computer engineers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
A: Because 31OCT = 25DEC.
An engineer is a fellow that takes a measurement with a micrometer, marks it with a crayon,
and cuts it with an axe.
During the French Revolution, three men were condemned to the guillotine. One was a preacher, one was a doctor, and the third was an engineer. When the preacher approached the deadly machine, he requested to be beheaded while lying on his back so that he could die while looking into Heaven. The doctor and the engineer thought that to be a good idea and requested the same. As the blade plunged down the track toward the preacher, it suddenly stopped just short of the man’s neck. The executioner declared it an Act of God and let the man go free. The same thing happened to the doctor. As the engineer laid his head back in place he suddenly said, “Oh wait! I see the problem!”
The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers, Civil Engineers and Chemical Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets. Chemical Engineers are engineers that build targets that explode really well.
A wife asks her engineer husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!”
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, “Why in the world would did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
He replied, “They had eggs.”
Q: What’s the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist?
A: A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun.
A programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to be left alone, so he politely declines, turns away, and tries to sleep.
The programmer continues to pester the engineer. “C’mon, it’s a real easy game. I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.” Again, the engineer declines and tries to sleep.
The programmer really wants to play the game and says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50!”
The engineer grins and agrees to play. The programmer asks the first question, “What is the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the programmer $5.
The engineer asks the programmer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?” The programmer looks thoughtful, takes out his laptop and starts to surf the net for the answer. After an hour he wakes the engineer to hand him $50. The engineer takes the money, turns away, and tries to go back to sleep.
The programmer asks, “Well? What’s the answer to the question?”
Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer.
A group of physicists and a group of engineers were travelling by train. Each physicist had their own train ticket while the engineer group had only ONE ticket for all of them. The physicists started laughing, figuring the engineers were going to get caught and thrown off the train.
One engineer spots the conductor coming and they all duck into the bathroom. The physicists were puzzled.
The conductor came aboard, said, “Tickets, please,” and got tickets from all the physicists. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.” The engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and moved on. A few minutes later, the engineers came out of the bathroom. The physicists felt really stupid.
On the return trip, the physicists decide they should try the engineer’s scam. They bought one ticket for the whole group. They met up with the engineers in the same car.
The physicists all smile and wave their lone ticket. This time, the engineers have no ticket. One engineer nods towards the door between cars and says, “Conductor coming!”. The engineers sat back as all the physicists locked themselves into the bathroom.
After a moment, one engineer knocks on the bathroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball.
The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid.
The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral.
The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.
Most people believe “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”
Engineers believe “If it ain’t broke, add more features!”
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”